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Post by oldpokeshipper on Oct 26, 2008 17:17:18 GMT -5
Well, let's see- I don't really have any friends, I'm a loner... I don't go to church... I don't have a job + I don't have any college sesions... So, the only thing left is school of course. Ok, I'll give ya the review later but I'll leave this post for now  |
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Post by pokeria1 on Nov 1, 2008 6:37:34 GMT -5
Well, it's the weekend, meaning school won't be much of a problem, So... let's hear your review.
EDIT: Well, I suggest you hurry with your review, since School's almost about to begin (It's 6:53PM, my time slot, and in about 14 more hours (my time zone), School begins.
EDIT2: Well, if your school is one of your voting places in wherever you're at, you can post the review tomorrow.
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Post by wowposter on Nov 16, 2008 2:29:39 GMT -5
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Post by pokeria1 on Nov 19, 2008 21:22:18 GMT -5
Ok, I'm going to be gone for thanksgiving from the 26th through the 29th or 30th to visit family. I do hope that you guys try to comment on the latest chapter, seeing as how It didn't get commented on as of yet. wowposter: If I were you, I'd leave this site before Waterlil7 writes you up and probably bans you for your cybermarketing scams. |
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Post by pokeria1 on Dec 12, 2008 23:51:14 GMT -5
Well, anyone who wishes to comment on Chapters 2, 4, 5, and maybe 6 can do so, In fact, I think it's required to do so. I mean, I don't want to end up trying to Bump this thread every day, so please try and make some time to give reviews to it.
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Post by pokeria1 on Jan 12, 2009 16:14:15 GMT -5
Guys, please respond. I'm pretty sick and tired of not getting responses, as well as having to BUMP the topic just to keep it active, so please, do us all a favor, and respond to chapters 2, 4, 5, and 6.
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Post by pokeria1 on Feb 15, 2009 19:28:49 GMT -5
Can you guys PLEASE respond?! I'm sorry I'm acting this way, but this is taking too long for this to be acceptable. I can't just keep necroposting and BUMPING the topic.
Sigh, I hope this dry spell ends soon, because I'm really tired of waiting until a month has passed just to delay the closing for another month.
Please, AJNrules, Nickstr, OldPokeshipper, anyone, just please try and make time to review this fanfic. Heck, spend more quality time on this site.
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Post by ajnrules on Feb 25, 2009 23:42:24 GMT -5
Hmm. I kind of get a One Piece vibe when I'm reading the fic, the way how it's mostly battles. Which means it would be great if you can get somebody to draw it for you.
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Post by pokeria1 on Feb 26, 2009 7:08:37 GMT -5
Hmm. I kind of get a One Piece vibe when I'm reading the fic, the way how it's mostly battles. Which means it would be great if you can get somebody to draw it for you. Well, One Piece wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I did it, but thanks. I kinda based most of the first part of the fight off of "The Duel on Mustafar" from "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith". In fact, if you think about it, the plot is very similar to RotS. |
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Post by oldpokeshipper on Mar 2, 2009 4:58:17 GMT -5
lol yes it is
( woohoo, finaly read it xD )
In fact, a lot of fanfic writers write their fic just like star wars
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Post by pokeria1 on Mar 2, 2009 16:02:52 GMT -5
Well, here's the last (or semi-last, depending on the character limit) chapter of "The Birth of Misty"
(Megatron looks at her nonchalantly and then they rush at each other, with Megatron leveling his cliff in the process)
Ariel: (trying to punch Megatron) HERRRYAAAAGGGHHH!!! (Her punch hits the Barrier that Megatron erects around him, and bounces Ariel away)
Megatron: Hrrraaaaggghhh!!
(Ariel then skids across the ground, still gripping the baby, Megatron then descends to her level, And Ariel wakes up, realizes what he’s planning to do, but can’t evade as Megatron expands his barrier into a shockwave like fashion.)
Megatron: GYA HAHAHAHAHA!!! (Tossing a energy orb at Ariel) Herrraaaggghhh!!!
(there is an explosion, and Ariel is in a crater, struggling to get up.)
(Ariel then walks towards Megatron)
Megatron: (seeing the baby) Grrrgh!
(Ariel then teleports the infant misty to a safe location nearby, and then charges at Megatron)
Ariel: GYAHH! (Megatron clotheslines her, then uses her as a trampoline after he has had enough, he then jumps back as the force from his jumping causes the ground to collapse.)
(Ariel then makes it out of the deep crater and approaches Megatron)
Megatron: Aw well, I guess I could have a bit of a challenge!
(Megatron then runs towards Ariel and throws an energy orb at her, which sends her flying)
(Megatron then notices she’s still struggling to stand)
Megatron: Her Persistance is irritating! (He then punches her and throws energy balls and tackles her. Then he is using rapid punches, sending her into a rock face, and then punches her gut.)
Megatron: You’ve defended the baby for far longer than expected, BUT SHE, AS WELL AS YOU, WILL DIE NOW!!! (He then rushes towards Ariel, but then Ariel unexpectedly catches the Punch and Powers up)
Megatron: WHAT?! HOW DID SHE RECOVER ALL OF HER ENERGY?!?!
Ariel: I can’t let you kill her! (She then scowels and approaches Megatron)
Megatron: (with the initial surprise fading, he still thinks he can do it.) HAHAHA!! You may have regenerated all of your energy, but you still cannot alter the fate of the child OR the Planet! (He then Powers up to his maximum)
Ariel: We’ll see about that, you never really know for sure until you try! (she then Powers up to her Maximum. Their powering up causes the Field they are on to break apart and collapse.)
Megatron: (Starting to rush at Ariel) Grrngh!!
(He flies towards her at high speed through the ground that is rising from their energies, the camera zooms back to reveal Ariel looking at him and the place she is standing on breaking away. She then flies towards Megatron.)
Ariel: haaagh…
(Ariel and Megatron rendevous)
Megatron: (About to try and punch Ariel) GYAAAGHHH!!!
Ariel: (about to power up her own punch) GAAHHH!!!
(Megatron and Ariel are poised for the attack, with Megatron just about to punch, whileas Ariel is powering up HER punch.)
Megatron/Ariel: GUURRRAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!
(Megatron then delivers the Punch, but barely misses Ariel’s face, instead just brushing it, so to speak.)
Ariel: Hrrngh! NOW THE REAL FIGHT BEGINS!!
(Ariel then delivers her most Powerful Punch, which makes a direct hit on Megatron’s gut.)
Ariel: HERRRAAAAGGGGHHHH-GRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Megatron: (looking deeply surprised, and almost in pain.) Guurrrgghhh…?!
Ariel: I am not gonna let… YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!
(She digs her fist deep into his gut, opening a very big wound in the process)
Ariel: GAH!!
Megatron: Graaghhaaaaggghhh…
(Megatron then starts developing cuts all over his face.)
Megatron: Aggh… AHH AHHH… (Megatron then Reels back and twitches and writhes in pain) AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! WRROOOHHH WRRRAAAGGGHHH!!! GRAAAGH!! GERREERRAAAAAGGGHHH!!! MWMWMWRRAAAGGGHHH!!! MWMWMWRAAAGGGHHHH!!!
(He then disappears in a blinding light, with Ariel apparantly caught in it.)
(Ariel and Megatron’s bodies then fall towards the crater that they created through their powering up, with Ariel landing just near the ridge of the crater, whileas Megatron falling into the eye of the crater.)
(Ariel then stands up, back to her redheaded self.)
Ariel: Megatron… Why did you have to side with him… Why did you have to believe his lies!? Why? I can’t believe you would do something like this!
(Megatron, barely conscious, and with several cuts and bruises from the defeat, struggles to get up, and say something)
Megatron: I… I H… Hate you… Ar… Ari… (Then he shouts with his remaining strength) … ARIEL!!!!! (He then Passes out)
Ariel: (With deep remorse and disappointment) You were like a brother to me. I loved you… But you turned to the dark side through Giovanni’s deception, and have brought this upon yourself.
(Ariel then walks away.)
(Meanwhile, Giovanni and some Rocket Grunts arrive at the crater.)
Giovanni: There he is! He’s still alive…
(Megatron’s limp, unconscious body is lying in the crater, breathing heavily.)
Giovanni: Bring me a Medical capsule, Immediately!
Rocket Grunt: Yes, sir! Right this way!
Giovanni: There’s not much time.
(Meanwhile, Ariel warps to the safe zone that she teleported Kasumianna to earlier, picked up the baby and walked her to Cerulean city.)
Ariel: I may have to part ways with you, Kasumianna. I’m sorry if your uncle isn’t going to raise you or if I can’t, but us raising you would put you in grave danger. That’s why I’m placing you in a family for you to care. We may meet again someday, and when you are ready, I’ll reveal to you the truth. (She looks at the directions that the king gave her in regards to the family that is supposed to raise her till she came of age, all the names say are Daisy, Lily, and Violet.)
Ariel: This seems to be the place (she looks at a house in the suburbs), I’m still somewhat unsure why the King would pick this family, since this family is made up of sisters without parents, and they glamourize themselves. But then again, maybe the king wanted her to develop into a grown person. (rings doorbell)
(the door opens)
(A blonde girl answers the door.)
Ariel: hello, you must be Daisy.
Daisy: yeah, well, who are you?
Ariel: My name’s Ariel. I was sent here to give you… a new sister, if you will. Her parents were murdered by team rocket, and to protect her, her uncle requested of me to have you adopt her and raise her as a sister.
Daisy: Hmm, like, what’s with these things protruding from her neck?
Ariel: err… yeah, those are supposed to be gills. Hang on for a second (she takes out a vial of fluid marked “gill camoflage” and injects it onto her neck.). There, I’ve hid them, besides, Team rocket would have been able to recognize her as the one they were after, so I camoflaged it so it would be less likely that they would find out. the webbed limbs will also be camouflaged shortly.
Daisy: ohhhkay… whatever, so what do we name her.
Ariel: well, technically she does have a name, already, but we might have to change it just to avoid her being detected, so I think we may have to come up with a name.
Daisy: Okay. Hey, Lily! Violet! Some lady named Ariel gave us some infant, perhaps we should name her something!
Lily: What?! Let us see! (Looks at Kasumianna) hmm, that doesn’t look like a human baby…
Violet: Well, what should we name it?
Daisy: I remember hearing from our mom this story about these aquatic people with gills and webbed feet. They were called Misties, and she looked just like one. How about we name her after this race.
Ariel: (Almost unsure about the name) I guess that name would… work?
Daisy: Ok, Misty it is. We’ll be sure to, Like, take care of her. Bye!
Ariel: farewell. (they close the door.)
Ariel: (Well, I’ve done what the king asked me to do, should her parents have died, but… I still wonder if he had indeed picked the right family? I mean, they may raise her well, but for all I know, they could abuse her, and not treat her as one of their own.)
(Ariel walks out and goes to area of the invasion, and buries all of the Misties murdered by Team Rocket. After saying a brief prayer, she leaves to the ocean. Before she does, she remembers Megatron’s betrayal, and sits down and sheds some tears of sadness of what happened. After that, she goes back into the water.)
(But Megatron is still very much alive. In a bleak laboratory, Megatron is in a rejuvenation tank filled with Bacta, as his wounds heal from the encounter.)
Rocket Scientist: Wound mending complete.
(he is then released from the fluid and he walks towards Giovanni.)
Giovanni: You have failed me, Megatron. Now I shall unleash unto you a painful punishment that will remind you what will happen should you fail any more Missions.
(Megatron looks fearful as to what Giovanni will do to him. Giovanni then shoots out a barrage of Sith Lightning on Megatron, electrocuting him, until he can’t bear it anymore.)
Giovanni: Now… Let this be a reminder of what should happen should you fail any more of my commands! Plus, I also have a hearing to go to, since I have been discovered to be the terrorist leader, and I blew up most of Pokeria city via a Bioweapon! And I expect all of my followers to join me to exile!
(walks out)
(Amakiani is now known as Megatron, and now is to follow his master until his master can’t be revived. Dark times are coming for Pokeria, as the great evil empire known as Team Rocket is about to commence the hold on the entire Pokemon System.)
Note: the fight between Ariel and Megatron was somewhat based off of the Climax of "Broly: The Legendary Super Saiyan".
Also, I kinda had to let Daisy, Lily, and Violet speak Val-speak due to it being kinda in-character for them to do it in the dub (Had this been the Japanese version, they won't act like Val-girls.).
Well, seeing how this will be the final chapter, Let's see what you think of it. Also, I'll probably post it on Fanfiction.net (depending on whether they'll allow the various references to be on it.).
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Post by ajnrules on Mar 11, 2009 23:09:09 GMT -5
Hmm. I haven't actually seen Revenge of the Sith, so I didn't catch the reference. Oh well. The fight scenes dragged out a little bit long (like One Piece), and some of the dialogue was a but awkward (like 'Now I shall unleash unto you a painful punishment that will remind you what will happen should you fail any more Missions.') but overall decent enough.
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(Now nonexistent)
